Posted by: Ingrid | June 30, 2007

Cleaning

My mom never threw anything away.  I know this because I used to live here.  I know this because suddenly all I want to do is clean and clean and organized and not stop until I’m so exhausted and spent that I have to.  There is so much stuff.  So much to throw away.  So much dust.  So many memories. 

Cards are strange things.  I’ve thrown away hundreds of dollars of cards today.  It’s hard finding a card that you gave someone five days ago.  It’s hard finding things from Christmas or Mother’s Day, untouched, unused… what was the point?  How do I know what to keep?  What to throw away?  It’s too much to deal with and yet I feel like I can’t do anything else.  I need to work on it.  I need to keep going.  If I stop I am going to completely fall apart.  Going through things and cleaning I can fall apart as I go.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I don’t know what to do with all of the days and months and years that stretch out ahead.  I don’t understand how she can just be… gone.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. My dear Ingrid,

    I admire your determination to clean and also understand the need to be busy right now. Yet may I suggest that you hold unto a few cards and/or things that you and/or your dad or sister may want to keep in remembrance of your mom. It may mean nothing to you now, but might later. And if in doubt about some of the things that you do not value, ask your dad and sister what they want before getting rid of everything.
    Just a word to consider, with love.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: