Posted by: Ingrid | July 5, 2007

Today seems unreal.  I sit here at 6:01 am in the sultry heat of a July morning and cannot believe (again) that she is dead.  A week and a few hours ago she was still breathing.  And now?  Now she has been lying… somewhere for a week.

I will see the body that was my mom’s for the first time in a week and a half today.  I will be with her for longer than I’ve been with her since her birthday on the 24th.  And then I’ll never see her again.

In someways, the first week was the easiest.  We had a direction to move in, towards the funeral.  I am more frightened of all of the other days, weeks, months, years that stretch out so far ahead.  Having known what to do all week it feels as if, after the burial tomorrow, we will be released to wander in our various forms of grief.

I do not know what to expect from today, from tomorrow, from the rest of my life.

Lord have mercy.  Christ have mercy.  Lord have mercy.

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