Posted by: Ingrid | July 26, 2007

Worship hits me in a new way.  I didn’t think about it until two weeks ago as we stood in church singing It is Well.  I closed my eyes and started from the realization that this is one thing that my Mom and I can still do together.  When I stand worshiping I am in some way entering into the perpetual praise of the saints.  The communal worship of saints, living and dead.  I found this less comforting than I would have imagined.  I had this sudden suspicion that if my Mom is at peace and in the presence of God, that is where her attention will be riveted.  The entering into worship with her is only a valid sharing if I focus on God and not on her, but how painful!  It’s like seeing a person you love in a noisy crowd and finding yourself unable to get their attention.  For all that I shout “Look at me!  Love me!  Care about me! that’s not where her eyes are focused.  And I can only keep my eyes fixed for so long.  Such an odd thing to want to shout “Stop looking at Jesus and look at ME!”

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