Posted by: Ingrid | August 9, 2007

Where?

It’s been hard to really think about the question of God’s whereabouts in all of this.  I have mostly pushed it out of my mind and avoided it as a subject to raw and too painful to deal with.  On Saturday, Mamacita slipped a picture of the Colossians 3 Christ under my door.  I sat with it, stared at it, carried it around with me.  He looks so open.  Open to embrace life.  Open to embrace suffering.  Open to embrace death.  Able to emerge triumphant and embrace life and death, heaven and earth in the span of his arms.  Christ, the very image of the invisible God, firstborn of creation and firstborn from the dead.

Where is God in all of this?  If Christ knows what it is to suffer, if God knows the gripping pain of the loss of a loved Son as the sky goes black and the earth shudders, if they are with me, if Christ is in me, and I am hidden in Christ in God, then I am surrounded by a person and by a Love that understands.  Christ knew what it was to be human, to hurt, to hang on a cross gasping for breath, blood and sweat running down his face, and nails tearing through tender skin.  When I think about all that, I supposed I wonder less where God was when my Mom’s body collapsed and her blood vessels burst and her life bled out on the bathroom floor.  It doesn’t necessarily feel any better, but to know God was there, is here now, is… somehow comforting.

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