Posted by: Ingrid | August 25, 2007

I am thankful for good surprises.  I went to pick up boxes from a stranger and ended up sitting in her living room with the unique opportunity to cry and talk and process a bit with someone who understood, who I didn’t have to read and figure out, who I could talk to without overthinking  the conversation.  I mentioned that it had been two months today, exactly, since I saw Mom on her last birthday.  Two months since I hugged her.  Two months since I heard her voice.  With tears in her eyes, she commented on how new the grief was.  It made me wonder.  Why is it that we tell someone who’s been married ten months that they’re still a newlywed -they haven’t even made it a year!  Or that little 8 month old child -still a little baby, and so new!  But grief… that’s different.  Two months and you’d damn well better be functioning again.  You’re liable to be misunderstood if you’re not.  What is it that people don’t understand about grief?  The desire for closeness and companionship.  The yearning for a shared experience, to cry with someone, just to feel the warmth of a comforting body pressed against your own.  Why is that so difficult to grasp?

In other news, my husband procured many boxes today.  Things on the packing front look hopeful.  On the unpacking/storing/finding places to put everything on the other end… well, not so much, but we’ll deal with that later.

I visited with a friend tonight, while packing boxes, and then found a card from her in the mail after she’d left.  It read: “Life can suck, I know.  Let’s get coffee sometime and talk about it… Or we can get a bottle of wine and plot our revenge.”  I laughed.  And I was grateful.  Because sometimes the most comforting thing is when people honestly acknowledge it when reality just sucks.  It doesn’t make it out to be anything other than where it’s at in the moment.  I feel so much more freedom to just move on when people come out and say what’s true rather than trying to contort everything into something good.

From The Little Prince:

“I did not know what to say to him.  I felt awkward and blundering.  I did not know how I could reach him, where I could overtake him and go on hand in hand with him once more.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.”

 

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