Posted by: Ingrid | August 31, 2007

Not an ideation

 Just an observation.

You know that you’re beyond stressed and exhausted and overwhelmed when…

You don’t have a death wish and you spend the day consoling yourself that if you took X number of grams of product X and marched yourself to the ER you would have 3-4 blissful days of not having to care about anything or anyone.  You wouldn’t have to be responsible.  You wouldn’t need to make decisions.  You would be taken care of.  You wouldn’t have to sit at a desk.  You could be not okay and not pretend anything different.

Even if it meant excruciating pain.  Even if it meant getting your stomach pumped.  Even if people thought you were strange.  Even if they ran all sorts of silly psych tests.  Three days of bliss.

Don’t some people fantasize about going to Hawaii?

I think the last 7 months have given me enough of a baseline to gauge that I am very grumpy and depressed insomniac.  It’s kind of like finding out what kind of a drunk you are, only without the tequila, the dancing on the tables, or nearly as much fun.

I need more than three and a half hours of sleep.  Seriously.


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