Posted by: Ingrid | September 19, 2007

A whisper and a clamor

Sometimes everything feels emotionally tumultuous, like Saturday night. Other days it feels more like a ripple effect, more like whispers of grief, the moments I catch myself thinking I’ll tell her later and remembering she’s not around. You never know how much you have to tell a person until suddenly they aren’t there.

There is hurt in missing someone who is irrevocably gone.

There is hurt in feeling misunderstood.

There is hurt in feeling like most of my relationships that carry any relevance have to be new ones.

But maybe that’s just how life works. New seasons of life, new losses, and a whole new set of friends. I guess if everything else is changing, why not that area in life too? In some ways it seems fitting that the external changes match the internal. I suppose the idealist in me thinks that friendships aren’t supposed to change that drastically, that they grow and adapt. But then, a lot of things are not the way I ever thought they would be.

When the losses and griefs pile up, creating that dull ache in your stomach, do they even matter in their individuality any more?

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