Posted by: Ingrid | December 7, 2007

My thoughts are scattered and cloudy

Last year on Christmas Eve, I was told that my mom probably had six months to live. Of course, things like that are never exact, but I realized yesterday that the last time I saw my mom, hugged her, talked to her, was on her birthday, June 24th. Exactly six months.

Life is so fragile. I wish sometimes that I could get away from that realization, take a break from it for a while. I wish there were no such thing as sickness and brokenness, death, and ambulance sirens screaming out in the night. I wish I didn’t fear death and it’s unpredictability so much. But at the same time, what better thing to remember at Christmas, when we celebrate the perilous birth of God made man, tucked helpless in a feeding trough. The coming of light into darkness and pain and suffering and the beginning of a thirty some year journey towards a brutally painful death on the cross. The divine entrance into the world of fallen creatures who were created from and returning to dust, changing history forever and making ordinary things sacred.

I want to take this as a gift, this bittersweet perspective. I want to remember. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much in the process.

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