Posted by: Ingrid | August 27, 2008

And now it all begins

I woke up this morning at 1:00 am. It was the sort of waking that occurs when something new is about to start. Life is changing. Classes start today and this time I’m part of the madness. All I could think about as I lay there for 30 minutes, wide awake, was that today marked endings and beginnings. Unbidden, Matchbox 20’s song Closing Time, which was played continuously on the radio my senior year in high school, re-surfaced. The line, “Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” felt as true at 1:00 in the morning as it did when I was getting ready to graduate from high school. Maudlin perhaps, but true nonetheless.

I feel like there are more beginnings and endings all woven together than I can articulate or hold onto right now. I’m sad for some of the endings and alternately excited and scared for the beginnings. I feel like Clint and I are entering entirely new territory with me taking classes and with all of the changes that will occur over the next year, like this is where it all begins and where we diverge from what life together has been for the past almost two years. I’ve never liked change, although the thought of it is sometimes inexplicably thrilling. And suddenly so much is changing in structure and in the time and space available that I’m at a loss.

And now it’s the first day of classes. Time to walk through the changes, grieve the losses, thrill at the newness of it all, dream about the future.

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