Posted by: Ingrid | January 27, 2009

Pregnancy: Week 5

11-26-

Oh the irony. The beautiful absurd irony of life. I spend all of that time last month worried that I was pregnant and I wasn’t. Then this month, life goes back to normal and ta-da! I am. What on earth. Aside from the usual explanation, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?! To go from thinking about all of the things that I want to do before getting pregnant next fall to looking at WTE blurbs about fetal heart development at 5 weeks is very very strange.

I kind of thought it was weird when my temperature didn’t go down after 10 days. Today I woke up and took the test with hands shaking. One little pink line. Another faint pink line… no, surely that’s not a line… can that be a line… no… that is a line.

And there we are. I’m not sure where there is though. I am most disoriented right now.

img_1794

11-27-

Thanksgiving, 2009, my first run with the baby. I can’t believe that someone that tiny can slow me down so much! I feel different. I don’t feel sick and I don’t feel anything that I could really complain about, but I’m tired! It’s harder to run. I get warmer faster. I’m afraid of pushing too hard and hurting the baby. And with all that on my mind I ran the Long Beach 10K the day after finding out we were pregnant.

It was harder than I thought. Not hard to run it, per se, but hard to let my goals go. Just last week I was thinking about and planning how I could do the 10K in less than 46 minutes and suddenly I was in the position of just running for fun. I finished in 47:50. Not a PR, but not my worst either (the distance between those two is about a minute and a half since I’m pretty consistent with the 10K). It was still a sub-eight minute mile, but it wasn’t what I wanted. For the entire run I was the 4th or 5th woman from the front, which again isn’t bad, but it’s also not what I wanted and not what I was envisioning. I crossed the crowded finish line (they let the 5K and 10K finish at the same place), pushed my way through the people to a quiet place and started crying. I can’t run the way I’ve been running. I can’t think about running in the same way. I can’t run and push hard and really train for anything for another 8 months. All I can do is keep running and that is very hard for me to accept. It’s a loss and it hurts and I miss it, miss that part of me that could do that and go after that challenge. Now I have to set it up on a shelf, along with the caffeine and the tequilla and lunch meat and soft cheese and having energy and feeling like my body is not quite my own. All of that so that I can go through the trauma of birth and then not sleep for the next 4 years. Next time I run an event (and I would love to run something each month that I’m pregnant), I’m leaving my Garmin GPS behind.

5w-2d

Baby’s first run.

11-28-

I am exhausted. I get tired so easily now, which I know is normal, but doesn’t feel like it. I get frustrated and tear up easily. I’m already wondering how I’ll find a good sports bra for when I’m 8 months pregnant. I feel dizzy. If I don’t eat every few hours I feel even dizzier, but then when I do eat I feel full quickly.

It looks like, from what I’ve looked at and read, that my needs for the first trimester (through mid-January) involve 0-85 extra calories a day. Definitely not eating for two! I’m not sure which freaks me out more, gaining tons of weight or giving birth. I really wanted to be just a little lighter when this began, wanted to be 118-120 and happily maintaining. Instead, I find myself at 5 weeks pregnant at 127 lbs. I guess I’m okay with that, but now that I know that it’s not necessary to gain weight during the first trimester, I don’t want to gain any. My ideal would be to stay in the 127-129 range through January, then start gaining weight in the second and third trimester. But that’s still a lot of weeks to get through yet, 8 weeks. I don’t really know what I need to eat for my body and my exercise level in general, never mind while growing a baby. I don’t want to eat too little but I also don’t want some standard number that’s too high. The most I ever weighed was 148 at Easter break my first year away at college and I hated it. I think I could tolerate that weight pregnant, but higher than 150? I really don’t want to go there!

11-29-

Today marks my first long run with baby in tow. I took it very easy, ran 3 miles, stopped for water, ran 6 miles, stopped for water and half a banana, ran 2 miles and walked for 0.5. 11 miles of running in 1:40 minutes. It felt very calming, very peaceful. This is something I’d like to continue doing. In the last 7 days I’ve put in 39 miles. I think I’ll try to get 30-35 in for the next few weeks and see how it goes. They’re all easy miles, or whatever my body feels comfortable with… hopefully this won’t get too boring! I sincerely doubt it. If anything, it will help me stay sane just a little bit longer.

I don’t know that I really feel attached yet. I’ve had enough friends miscarry recently to make me realize that pink lines on a pregnancy test don’t mean it’s a done deal. So much can happen, especially in the next 8 weeks. That’s such a long time to wait! I suppose I’ll be okay with whatever happens. I’m happy with this, I was happy with our plans to get pregnant next fall. I’m sure I’ll actually feel attached to the baby itself when I feel more, when I hear a heart beat, etc.

If I didn’t know what to eat on a normal day of pregnancy, that confusion is multiplied when I go out and run 11 miles. I have no idea what I need, only that if I don’t eat something as soon as I realized that I need it I start feeling very dizzy and the floor begins to look appealing. Ironically enough, the only nausea I’ve experienced has been the half hour after I take my prenatal vitamins.

Dear baby,

I really hope I don’t damage you by listening to Alanis Morrisette while I run. I supposed if the music really impacts you you’re either going to arrive super angsty or with all of your issues figured out. I really hope it’s the latter because I like my sleep.

Love,

Mom

12-1-

Happy birthday to me. When I found out I was pregnant last week I felt exhausted for the next few days. I’m beginning to think that might have been due to the fact that I quit caffeine immediately, because I’ve felt great the last few days and seem to wake up early fairly easily. I woke up at 5:15 today! I put in seven miles, not pushing too hard but enjoying the fog. I hope I don’t gain a lot of weight for a while, it’s going to make running that much harder. I think I have 56 days before I’m “allowed” to gain weight.

Salty food tastes really good right now but I could care less about dessert. I’m a little disappointed that today of all days: pregnant, my birthday, and a day I put in 7 miles, my stomach feels so bloated and full that I’m not sure how I’ll get in all of my calories. Ick. What happens when the baby gets larger than a pea?!? How do pregnant women eat!!!

I keep wanting to tell people and blurt out, “We’re pregnant!” I never thought that would be me, I thought I’d want to/be able to hide it better.

I want lists, lots of lists, to tell me what to do right now, what to plan for etc.

Scheduled my first pre-natal appointment today. It’s the 23rd, allowing Clint to be there with me and also on a day I’m off so I don’t have to explain to my co-workers. I’ll be almost 9 weeks then. 9 weeks. Wow.

People weren’t kidding when they talked about pregnancy hormones. Oh my lord. Up. Down. Happy. Sad. Stable. In tears. Nine months of this? Really?

12-2-

Today I feel euphoric. I feel good. I wonder if I should test again because surely I can’t be six weeks along tomorrow and, aside from some minor details, feel this good. I was down a pound today, which surprised me after eating out twice yesterday, to 126.4. I’ll probably start adding more calories if I drop below 125, otherwise, I’m good. I’ve never seen my weight this stable. It’s great!

I have no pants that fit me right now and I find that annoying. My goal this December was to go out and actually find jeans and pants that fit my body that seems to reconfigured itself into a smaller but not much lighter model. I have one pair of jeans that really fits. Everything else sags and begs for a 5-10 weight gain. I was so looking forward to new clothes, and now I’m in this awkward stage of being small (but not for long) but having nothing to wear.

There is a baby inside of me! I can’t get over that today. There is a real truly little (very tiny) individual human being in my body. How amazing that is!

On a cravings note, I crave all things salty and protein. I could totally not eat dessert.

img_1805

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: