Posted by: Ingrid | January 27, 2009

Pregnancy: Week 6

Weight: 126.6/B:36/W:26/H:35.5

So long, hour glass figure… I’ve got to figure out something to help my sports bras. I thought chafing was bad when I was normal… vaseline just might not cut it this time around.

On the physical front, today I felt slightly nauseous once I got to work. I’ve been keeping up my normal exercise routine (ran 17 miles over the past three days) and hope that I can keep things normal for as long as possible, both to limit weight gain and for my own sanity. I took pictures today. I feel a difference in my stomach. It’s feels mushy and bloated and is not at all the stomach of someone who does ab work three times a week. I’ve been really bloated which isn’t helping me hit my calorie target each day. Yuck.

It hit me hard last night that none of this is a guarantee. Six weeks is not a long time for a baby to be alive, especially when there are another thirty-four weeks to go. I don’t quite know how to deal with that when I feel cramping or anything really. Is that normal? Is it okay? Will the baby be okay? What will I do if I have a miscarriage? Will I be okay? Nothing like a little motherly paranoia. It’s so out of my control. The only thing I can do is take care of myself the best I know how. I can’t put this little baby together, make the spinal cord fuse correctly, bring the heart together… none of that. Control freaks shouldn’t get pregnant is the conclusion I’m coming to.

How do you get through 40 weeks of pregnancy without exploding from the sheer excitement and perilous uncertainty? I will never take being born for granted again. What a terrifying proccess. On both sides.

This being Advent season, I’ve had a lot of thoughts running through my head. I can see how easy it would be, as a mother, to talk to Mary. Not that I advocate praying to the saints, but in a case like pregnancy there’s something nice about being understood. I know Jesus is our great high priest, I know that you could say he birthed the universe, but Mary actually held a baby inside of her and wondered and waited. I don’t know where I’m really going with that, I just find it interesting. Being pregnant, even newly pregnant, gives me more of an appreciation for the waiting and wondering and awe of Christmas. The expectation and hope and longing make even more sense now.

I drink milk again. I don’t think I’ve purchased milk… since I lived at the first house on Fairvilla? And now I drink it every night. Weird.

Today I feel normal and can’t help but think that this is going to be a lo-o-o-o-o-o-o-ong process. I’m not supposed to get bored already, am I?

12-4-

I went to the library last night to pick up my books on hold. It was obvious a major life change had occured in the midst of my requesting books as I walked to the check out area with several pregnancy books and New Guide to Lifting for Women. Maybe I can combine the information.

I had the best 5 mile run today. I kept my pace around 8:30 min per mile, and felt fantastic! I look forward to my 10 miler tomorrow, which will bring the weekly mileage up to 32. It’s nice to know that even pregnant I can still run, and this sans caffeine, which I always drink before running. I also found a solution to the chafing, which will work as long as it’s cold. Vaseline, long sleeve shirt, sports bra, short sleeve shirt, lots of adjusting and, ta da! No chafing!

12-5-

I love salt. Salty salt with even more salt on top… I cooked eggbeaters this morning, threw them in a tupperware container with a piece of cheese on top, wrapped it in aluminum foil, and ate it at my desk. Salt heaven, I tell you.

I got a little discouraged last night when I realized that I have 55 days before we’re really safely out of the first trimester (January 28, I think) and ready to tell most people. 28 of those are days at my desk with the co-workers who I can’t tell yet! Hopefully I won’t A) feel sick or B) gain lots of weight. Both would thwart my plans nicely. I can’t wait for the break!

We’re telling my dad, brother, and sister tomorrow. I’m excited about that!

I feel like I’m going a little crazy here. I hate waiting. I hate waiting and I don’t really know that anything (or the right things) are happening inside. I think that’s part of the reason I want to tell everyone, it gives me the sense of making the whole thing a little more real. There isn’t anything else I can do, really. Obviously I don’t need maternity clothes and I can’t really go shop for anything because A) We don’t have the space to store stuff, B) We don’t have the money, and C) There’s the 15%-20% chance that the baby won’t make it through the next 8 weeks. Eight weeks. Oh Lord. That is such a long time to wait when I know that all sorts of things that I can’t control are happening in my body. I’m trying to console myself by anticipating certain days when I can share with specific people. I look forward to my first prenatal appointment, provided everything goes smoothly until then. Why did I schedule it at the end of 8 weeks again? The weekend will be better, but down time at work is killing me. I’ve already decided to check into cloth diapers, learned that we’ll need 2 strollers, and found a running stroller at Target for $99. What more can I do? How do I wait? How do I not let this consume my life? Oh wait… too late for that. I guess… I just don’t want to get too attached to the idea of a baby if there’s not going to be one, but the wait is so long…

I’ve also been pouring over weight gain charts, most of which advocate gaining 25-30 pounds. That’s nice and all, but would it really hurt anything if I were only to gain 15-20? That would be my ideal. I don’t know if that’s even realistic, but frankly, the numbers that are thrown around include 7 pounds of fat for storage (In case of severe illness? Famine?) Baring either of those, I’d rather have the baby take what it needs from me, gain the necessary 15 pounds and not have any weight to lose when I’m done. All of the websites seem to indicate that you gain the weight, have the baby, and you only have 10-15 pounds of fat to lose. Um. Why not avoid gaining the fat in the first place, as long as the baby is healthy? I’m also curious what would happen (not saying I’d do this) if a woman consistently kept her calories at, say, 2000 per day all the way through pregnancy. Would that hurt the baby? Would it hurt her? Would she gain any weight on that little or would the baby just take what it needed from the mother for growth while she lost weight? Inquiring minds want to know!

I find that it is far more encouraging to say that I’m in my sixth week of pregnancy than to say that I’m 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, though both are true.

Why has no one written a book on pregnancy along the lines of What to Expect when you weren’t expecting to be expecting?

My second knowingly pregnancy long run was Saturday, bringing my weekly mileage to 32. Aiming for 35 next week, but we’ll see… The run was pretty nice, fairly slow, and I made sure to hydrate. I felt good afterwards. I hope I can keep this up, I really do. I know that I can give up running, but I would prefer not to, simply for my sanity’s sake.

My weight seems to want to be up slightly, which bothers me. Slight meaning that I fluctuate around 128 rather than 127. No more. I don’t want any more, not right now. I feel alternately fearful and out of control, what if my body takes over and gains 100 pounds? I know that this is my journey and my body and that my response to pregnancy will be different that everyone else around me. I’m scared of gaining weight, I’m scared of losing control, might as well admit that up front.

Had a wave of nausea this morning that didn’t last but that scared me. No morning sickness please… Seriously, could I be more demanding? No morning sickness or unecessary weight gain would be prefereable. I suppose if I start feeling sick I’ll be telling all my co-workers long before the 12-13 week point I was hoping to break the news. Maybe it’s because I ran 8 miles and was still trying to catch up on calories. Ah, calories. I’m fairly sure I’m undereating by several hundred a day, but since I don’t know for sure what I burn, I don’t know that for a fact. I’m not hungry for more though, so maybe it’s okay. I mean, if some women spend three months violently ill, I’m fairly certain I’ll be better nourished than that, even if I aim a bit low.

12-9-

Today I’m freaked out that the baby isn’t going to make it and that there will be problems. I know there isn’t anything that I could do if there were, I just wish everything were further along so that I’d know what to get attached to. I’m so tired and draggy today. This is new and not very pleasant.

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Responses

  1. Yes, it can hurt the baby if you don’t have enough fat stores. Low weight gain in women is tied to low birth weight in babies, and that is NOT a good thing.

    Like it or not (and believe me, I don’t either!) the female body is designed to need fat stores while growing a baby (and often while nursing the baby, too). It is just the way God made us.

  2. Emotions In The Pregnancy Period

    Each woman’s experience during her pregnancy varies from the other. Yet the perceptions of what lies ahead during the pregnancy period invariably remain the same. Every woman, when she first knows about her pregnancy, is immediately filled with a sense of awe, as there is a new life growing in her womb. She may also feel ill equipped to deal with the physical and emotional changes during pregnancy. Throughout her pregnancy, she will constantly be worried about the well being of her child. Towards the end of her pregnancy period, she will feel a sense of expectancy.


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