Posted by: Ingrid | March 20, 2009

Might be time to update my magazines

Not that I don’t notice this sort of thing when I’m not pregnant, but it was a little weird to look at the last 5 magazines that I’ve received in the mail (most of them free when I sign up for running events, lest you think I actually spend our hard earned money on this sort of thing), mostly of the health and fitness genre.  I think you’d go a little nuts too, if you were pregnant, looking for a fluffy read, only to find that your 5 unread magazines promise loudly on their front cover:

Lose 5 pounds (in 4 weeks) (At least this is moderate, though not attainable for the pregnant person)

No diet guide to slimming down for good (You won’t diet at all!  Just watch your calories, drink diet soda and water, and cut out sugar… and measure your no-salt skinless chicken breast in 3 oz increments.  No diet.  Right.)

Drop 10 pounds this month! (Which sounds so much better than the measly 5 pounds promised above, right?)

Get your dream body (Dream body ideas brought to you by Hollywood starlets whose lives you OF COURSE want to emulate.)

Flat abs fast (How fast are we talking here?)

Slim down without hunger (Just fill up on gum, diet soda, green tea, and diet pills.  No problem!)

Lose your belly fat – fast! (And without dieting and expending any effort, right?)

Drop 2 sizes in just 2 weeks (Isn’t a size supposed to equal about 10 pounds?  Hmmm… 5 pounds in a month or 20 pounds in two weeks.  And I’m guessing they’re not talking about losing 20 pounds giving birth…)

Slim down secrets! (That we’ve been recylcling for years!)

Leaner legs, Flatter abs (And a 1400 calorie diet plan to go with them.)

Get a tight butt in 10 minutes a day (But then the rest of you will look all saggy and just think of the time it will take if you spend 10 minutes a day tightening all of those other important bikini bits.)

Trim and tone every bulge in 18 minutes! (Ooh… 10 minutes for a tight butt or 18 minutes for every bulge… which do I choose?)

It would probably be a waste of time to search for the magazine that offers articles like Gain 1.5 a week and reach your Pregnancy 30 in no time while loving every extra curve! but I’d like to think it’s out there somewhere.

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Responses

  1. Gah. If you ever find the “love your curves” magazine, let me know. 🙂

    If you want recommendations, I have two magazines that I’m enjoying right now. One is Brain, Child (a high level, semi academic, thought provoking magazine for mothers who care about more than poop and the best baby bouncer invented). The other is All You, which is a less irritating version of Women’s Day. I like it because all their models aren’t stick thin, and while they do spend more time than I’d like on lipstick and eyeliner, they have some interesting articles as well. This month one of my favorites was the “make-over” section, that involved actually working WITH the women’s bodies/curves/hair instead of re-creating them entirely.


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