Posted by: Ingrid | August 25, 2009

Saying Goodbye

I fly out of California tomorrow morning.

In some ways I feel as though I have been saying goodbye since the possibility of moving presented itself in May.  In other ways, because there has been so much going on, I feel like I’m suddenly getting hit with all the emotions of leaving and saying goodbye.  It’s one thing to say individual goodbyes and quite another to realize that our time here is really done.  Much as I haven’t loved southern California it has been home for the last ten years.  Even though I have spent all ten years saying that I never wanted to end up here it seems odd to leave it.  So much growing and changing has happened here, not to mention huge milestones like going to college, graduating, getting married, and having a baby.  In many ways I feel like I’ve grown up here and it’s just started to feel like maybe it could be home.

Having been in transition since early June when we started packing boxes, I’m about to make the last move of three this summer.  I’m so thankful to finally be getting to our destination.  Much as I’d like to love the journey, I don’t.  I just want to get there already so to have such a long drawn out move has been hard.  At the same time, the unfamiliarity of motherhood and a new state and new everything, much as I’m excited about all of it, feels daunting right now as well.

If this had been the ideal world I would have had several weeks of saying goodbye.  I would have run by the beach and run all of my favorite routes and said goodbye to everyone properly.  Instead, I’ve found myself housebound on my last day here, doing the single mom thing for several days as my husband drives the car cross country (the other option was a newborn road trip for 2200 miles, which sounded like a great plan until the newborn arrived), unable to go out and do anything on my list because the sweet newborn that I have was overtired and wouldn’t sleep all day.

I was so thankful to be relieved by our friend who we’re staying with, who took care of sleepless Isaac at 8:15 and let me go run 3.5 miles with the most cathartic music on my ipod blaring in my ears.  The little loops around the unfamiliar neighborhood in the dark were not the beautiful beach run of my imagination, but it helped restore a little sanity.

And now, to bed, and off to the airport and a new adventure tomorrow.

Goodbye, California.  I think I may actually miss you after all.

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