Posted by: Ingrid | January 21, 2010

That’s what it’s there for

The nursery, that is.

For the duration of Isaac’s short life we have had more rooms available to us than we’ve ever had in our three plus years of marriage.  One of those rooms is the nursery that has been hardly used since Isaac was sleeping next to us in our room, first in a basket and then in his Pak n’ Play.  Of course I knew that at some point we would transition him into the room devoted solely to baby stuff.  That is the logical thing to do.  But then there was always something keeping me from making the actual switch.  It was easier to take care of him if he was right there (the room is literally 6 steps down the hall from our door).  What if something happened to him?  What if one of the mice that lives happily in our basement got in and attacked him?  What if that one magazine article was right and the risk of SIDS is lessened if the baby sleeps near the parents for the first six months?

Turns out all I needed to push me in the right direction was a little frustration.  Sort of like with leaving Isaac in the nursery.  I wouldn’t take him there until I had to schlep him around a conference and couldn’t sit quietly and listen to speakers for several days.  Suddenly that nursery at church looked awfully appealing.  The last few nights Isaac began waking up more.  As morning approached and he would wake up I would tell Clint to stick Isaac in the crib in the other room so that he wouldn’t wake me up again.  Then we would all fall back asleep for another four hours.

And nothing bad happened.  The world did not fall to pieces.  We all woke up smiling and in one piece in the morning.

So last night Isaac slept in his room all by himself after I tore apart the nursery so that his crib was right next to the door.  And I got into bed and cried.  It’s funny because I told myself when I was pregnant that I wanted to let my baby grow up and that the goal of successful parenting is to raise fairly healthy independent adults.  But then you spend nine months with a baby’s feet kicking your ribs and you realize that as soon as they are born they just start moving further and further away.  Away from the ribs and into their own crib, down the hall to the nursery, into a normal bed, off to a college  dorm…  Not that I would have wanted Isaac’s feet sticking into my side a day longer than they were but there’s something a little scary about having these little people running around in the world.  My instinct is to protect and not want Issac to be disappointed or hurt.  My head tells me that it’s all part of the growing up process that begins with little things like letting him sleep all by himself.

So he’s moved.  I’m sure we will all get better sleep now.  But I definitely will miss waking up and hearing his snuffly baby sighs at night.


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