Posted by: Ingrid | November 29, 2010

Getting old

As I approach thirty-one (and by approach I mean hello birthday on Wednesday) and get ready to celebrate by making sure that husband makes it to his physical on time and dissecting the abdominal cavity of our very smelly dead cat in lab I cannot help but notice that I feel old.

I know that thirty-one is not old.  I would tell any friend of mine turning thirty-one that she isn’t old at all.  I will also preface this post with the fact that I know that I have lots to be thankful for.  I am thankful, very very thankful for so many things, but that does not detract from the old feeling that’s hit with this particular birthday.

Twenty-nine was a breeze.  I had the unknowns of a new pregnancy to keep things interesting.  I loved thirty – I felt great and didn’t mind the new decade at all.  Thirty-one, however, finds me in between everything, leaving me with an unsettled feeling, or in more descriptive words, feeling blah.

I am in between with my running, unsure what I should aim for and how to do it.  I am in between pregnancies and will probably remain that way at least for a while.  Even though fitting in with everyone else who is pregnant sounds like fun, a new baby at the moment, doesn’t.  But that leaves me with a toddler running around and graham cracker crumbs all over the floor and no clear sense at all if I am doing this mothering thing “right”.  I am in between with school, finishing up a tiring semester and getting ready to jump into an even heavier load in the spring.  I have no idea when I will get into the nursing program and constantly feel as though, between family and school, something is always having to give.

To top that off, I have discovered FMS.  FMS (known in some circles as Frumpy Mom Syndrome) is sister to PMS but longer lasting and you can’t pop a motrin for relief.  You would think this would have hit last year with a newborn, but it didn’t.  I felt cute last year.  This year I look in the mirror and think blah. Is it the hair?  The entire wardrobe that I own that doesn’t fit me right?  The clothes that I’ve had way too long?  The fact that I never managed to lose those 2-4 vanity pounds that I was sure would fly off in the past year but haven’t?  My guess is that it’s something more internal than all that but I don’t know what exactly to do about it.  I suppose I could do something external like get a new haircut, but what mother of a toddler wants to spend 30 minutes blow drying her hair?  If I let Isaac hang out in the bathroom with me for that long he will either wash his hands in the toilet, try to suck on the toilet plunger, or unroll the toilet paper.  Or all three.  So much for that idea.

So this birthday finds me very in between, somewhere on a leg of the journey that does not feel terribly exciting or defined, just tiring and littered with cracker crumbs.  I have always been more of a destination person than an enjoy the journey person so this in-the-middle-of everything feeling is taking its toll.

I am very thankful for so much, but seriously, are we almost there yet?

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Responses

  1. I love this post! I totally relate to the haircut/trying to get dressed/fix your hair with a toddler…I am not sure how some moms manage to look so cute and stylish! This reminds me so much of how I have felt this year with all the new challenges of raising a very active toddler…all the while trying to find some time for myself, my husband, and my job! keep it up though….it sounds like you are managing to balance it all well!


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