Posted by: Ingrid | April 21, 2013

Bumpdate: Weeks 1-5

Disclaimer:  I know that last time around I did a Bumpdate update every week.  But you know, this is my third pregnancy.  And I really don’t feel like I need to track everything week by week.  Every 5 weeks will suffice.  Besides, as most of you know by now, I don’t seem to get happy glow-y pregnancies.  If you have blissful pregnancies, I am very happy for you.  As for me and my pregnancies, I could sum up my thoughts by quoting Elizabeth Bank’s character from the movie, What to Expect when You’re Expecting.  (Yes, the first time you are pregnant you actually read the book.  The second time you don’t bother with the book.  The third time around, you watch the tongue-in-cheek movie in between puking sessions.)

So the character is supposed to be giving a speech about the wonderful radiant pregnancy glow (after a pregnancy full of all sorts of discomfort and symptoms) and she sets down her notes, looks out at her audience full of women, and says:  ““I just wanted the glow. I just wanted what they promised you on the cover of those magazines. Well I’m calling it.  I’m calling bullsh**.  Pregnancy sucks!  Making a human being is really hard.”

I am not kidding you that I started crying when she gave her speech and that I tear up every single time I read those words.  Because that is more along the lines of my experience.  And while I am grateful that we are able to get pregnant and thankful for what so far seems to be a healthy (if decidedly unplanned) pregnancy, that does not alleviate the fact that really, in my little world, pregnancy sucks.  Along with that, it is awkward, embarrassing, and lonely.

So if you are uncomfortable dealing with pregnancy on those terms, I’ll catch you in two more trimesters.  I can promise you lots of cute baby pictures then.  We do seem to produce cute offspring.

Due Date:  October 24 (based on my other pregnancies I would estimate October 28)

Weight Gain: Starting at 126.  None so far.

Symptoms:  Since I have known about this all of a week, there is not much to report.  A little bloated and tired but the real symptoms have not emerged yet.

What’s different this time:  This was absolutely not in the plans.  Aside from my mom dying and my husband losing his job this is probably the angriest I have been about something in the past seven years.  I have no desire to be pregnant and I have even less desire to sign onto another 18 year commitment at the end of a pregnancy I don’t want.

Cravings/Aversions:  None.  I will enjoy that while it lasts.

Sleep:  Getting plenty of sleep.

I am loving:  Nothing at all about this.  But I suppose I should say that I am loving feeling normal before the nausea comes and kicks me to the curb for the next four months.

I miss:  Feeling like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Looking forward to actually doing something long term that I would enjoy.  The possibility to do something in the grown up world far away from my children.  Running fast.

Are you nesting?  We have to move out (somewhere?) in four months.  Why would I nest?

Milestones:  The pregnancy test was positive.

Best moment this week:  The day before I took the test and I could pretend that life was still normal and okay.

I am stressing over:  The fact that I feel like motherhood and pregnancy completely take away my person hood.  I am tired of having my life overrun by constant demands.

Movement:  No.

It’s a:  ball of multiplying cells.

Exercise:  Dropped marathon training but am still running, cross training, and lifting.

Diet:  You know, eating clean, exercising, cutting calories and not losing weight.  My typical go-to for early pregnancy.

Exercise goal for the upcoming week:  Figure out what running looks like now that I am no longer training for the marathon.

Belly Shot:

IMG_1264

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Responses

  1. I just wrote a HUGE response with lots of “solidarity” and support and etc and wordpress booted it as it sent me on a goosechase to enter a password. grr. suffice it to say, you’re not alone in the “not loving pregnancy” concept… you’re not along in wanting some semblance of “your life” and your body and your goals back. I, too, am a Christian woman, an ultrarunner, a mom of just 1 sweet boy who is age 4… my husband travels >50% for work and my family is far away, so getting help with kiddo care for personal time is challenging at best. i need a treadmill. at any rate… i’m sending you strength and kindness… i’d send you patience, but evidently, I don’t have any of that to share as I’m going through at least 3 monstrous patience-buildling experiences right now that have me on my knees more than usual… and perhaps that’s God’s wisdom there… at any rate… from the world of ultrarunning, i leave you with 3 statements that help me on a regular basis:

    1. it never always gets worse… 🙂
    2. relentless fwd progress…
    3. aid station to aid station.

    kz

  2. Oh, I can so understand how you feel. Of course you want your life and your body and all the things you were looking forward to which now have to be deferred….and being pregnant makes you feel things 100 times more deeply.

    Big hug from me. If I lived near you, I would totally come over and clean your house.

    • Thanks! If you are ever in the area, I will totally take you up on the offer, pregnant or not! 😉

  3. I spent last pregnancy with those same feelings. You are not alone. If that helps. Maybe. I mourned for the loss of time. You know, the feeling that I was soooo close to weaning, sleeping through the night, teething, diapers…possibly having my own interests/life.

    • How did you deal with it? After 4.5 years of constant pregnancy and/or nursing, I am starting to feel just a little desperate!


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