First of all, you know you’re a parent when A) You bang your shin, hard, with a folding table and, even though you are alone in the house, all you utter is a very loud: OWWW! B) When children are present you have developed the knack of swearing between clenched teeth. Nobody has a clue what you’re saying but you feel slightly better.
While driving home from a friend’s house in California, Isaac (who had just learned that some not-so-fun-consequences for his actions would be coming soon, glowered at us from the back seat and eventually piped up.
Isaac: I want to say bad words to Daddy.
Me (very curious): Oh? Sometimes I want to say bad words too. What do you want to say?
Isaac: Wellllll… I want to say bad words to him. Like… spit. And ROAR. And leave me alone (except it comes out “Weave me a-wone.”). And cut that out. Bad words like that. I’m gonna’ say them to Daddy.
Me (fighting laugher): Ah.
And then, being the good parents we are, we managed to get the moment on video because his intonation was just so funny.
Probably the baddest of his bad words right now (which he has no qualms about throwing around) is “shut up”. Annoying and sometimes embarrassing, but I suppose not as bad as it could get.
Fast forward to last week.
Me: Jonathan! Do you see the frog?
Jonathan: Ahhhh… F***? Where f***?
Really? Of all the words that I ever imagined would lead to unintentional swearing, frog was not up there on my list. Not while words like “truck”, “duck”, and “luck” all exist.
The thing is, he really likes frogs right now, which makes exchanges in places like, say, a toy store, very interesting. Nothing like a cute 21 month old piping up (loudly) with his own special version of “I wanna’ frog!”