I am 0 to 2 when it comes to guessing our children’s gender. With both boys, I desperately wanted them to be male and was sure that whatever component of the universe determined gender knew that and therefore would maliciously give me girls. Terrifying thought. Plus my nausea was worse with Jonathan and everyone said that meant a girl. So I was positive on the girl guess and completely incorrect in reality. But we knew with both by 20 weeks, so there wasn’t a whole lot of time spent wondering.
This time around, I was amazed to find that even early on, even with a completely surprise pregnancy that I was not a happy camper about, I really really, for the first time ever, wanted a girl. Up until this pregnancy I really thought I would be happy, if not completely delighted, with a house full of boys. I know what it’s like to be female and the otherness and sometimes baffling mystery that is the opposite sex appealed to me. Boys come with their own unique sets of problems but at least I wasn’t intimately acquainted with them! I know all too well the problems and pressures and hurts and millions of little things that make up being a girl and later a woman and I really wasn’t interested in having all of that so very in my face on a daily basis. I didn’t want to watch my daughter deal with things I had struggled with. It felt that any problems that she faced would feel too close.
When I was hoping for a boy when pregnant with Isaac I didn’t quite have the words But a few years later I stumbled across Erica Rivera’s memoir Insatiable: A young mother’s struggle with anorexia and she put words to at least some of what I was thinking about when she wrote about having her first daughter.
I imagine the avalanche of My Little Ponies, Barbies, and Disney Princesses. I imagine being forced to buy tutus and ballet shoes, endure tea parties and potty training. I imagine the hoarding of hair products, the mess of maxi pads, the agony of prom dresses and pantyhose.
Worst of all: the diets.
If only I could inoculate her against eating disorders along with measles, mumps, and rubella.
If I had a son, there would be no restrictions. I’d allow him spoons of peanut butter for breakfast, nachos for lunch, cupcakes at bedtime. It wouldn’t matter if I took him into public with bed hair and mismatched clothes.
But a daughter… a daughter is different.
If I’m her role model, I’m afraid I’ll pass on the adolescent body hatred like an undesired family heirloom.
The thought of a girl was, put simply, more than I wanted to deal with. Fast forward four years and, oddly enough, my sons’ hurts and losses and struggles are still difficult for me, even though they are the opposite gender. Shocking, I know.
Now… well, we have a lot of cars and legos and trucks strewn around our house and it could stand for a little pink and glitter. Also, I am getting tired of my “get your hands out of your pants” mantra and the desire to tell both my children; “Yes, yes it IS still attached to you. I promise you don’t have to keep checking!” Boys! It would be nice to have someone just a little more comprehensible, a little more like me. Besides, I think Clint might frown on my getting pedicures with either of the boys as a fun “mother son” outing.
Since we are not going the route of the ultrasound reveal, I decided to “test” (using that word loosely!) this baby’s gender to see what I am supposedly having. The answer from the smattering of tests I took? 5 came out girl and 4 came out boy. It must be a hermaphrodite.
Based on a baby gender test online: Boy
The morning sickness test – I had it, therefore: Girl
Craving test – wanting salt and protein: Boy
Baking soda test: Girl
Chinese Gender Predictor: Girl
Heart rate – under 140: Boy
The ring test (Put your wedding ring on a string and dangle it over your belly. If it swings side to side it’s a boy, if it spins in circles, it’s a girl.): Girl
The hairline test (Find your last child, look at their hairline at the nape of their neck. If it comes to a point you’re having the opposite gender, if it goes straight across you’re having the same gender.): Boy
The penny test (Lick your thumb and rub it on a penny. Hold the penny against the wall with the same thumb for 30 seconds. If it sticks, you’re having a girl.): Girl
I lean pretty heavily on the heart rate test, and I think I am having another boy (Which, in all honesty will be a little disappointing. Yes, I just want a healthy baby and yes, we have very cute boys, but I want a healthy GIRL baby, even if it means a million ruffled baby socks and hair bands.) I look forward to finding out in a few months!
Hard to imagine that with all these fantastic tests they bothered to invent the ultrasound.